Prompts #9 – Must Not Fail

Every day, The Daily Post posts a prompt on their website – a situation or little idea you can use as inspiration to write. Yesterday’s prompt was must not fail, and this is my interpretation.

Must Not Fail
What is the one thing at which you are the most afraid of failing?

I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of the dark, I am afraid of people, I am afraid of what I can not yet wrap my head around. I am a quite frightfull person, I’m afraid. And when I look at what I just wrote, it appears to me that mostly I am afraid of the unknown. If it is dark and I can’t see what is around me, I am afraid. If someone comes up to me and I do not know what they want, I am afraid. If I launch myself into a situation that I can not oversee, of which I do not really know what is awaiting me, I am afraid.

Spain
For instance, some time ago one of my best friends asked me to come with him and his family to Spain for two weeks in October, because they had a spare bed and I haven’t been in foreign country’s much. I said yes.
And now, a few weeks to departure, I keep getting afraid. I keep telling myself that it will be amazing, because it is beautiful over there and my friend is very nice and we will have a great time, but nonetheless I am afraid. I keep making up reasons why it wouldn’t be nice and then, if I don’t stop myself, I start trembling all over and start wishing I never said yes.
I have been thinking about this a lot (obviously, can’t think of much else…) and I think all these reasons I think of why it wouldn’t be nice are just because I do not know what to expect, I do not know what it will be like, and that scares me. And because I am only human, my scared brain starts making up reasons why it wouldn’t be nice, making me regret my decision.

Failing
The thing at which I am most afraid to fail is developing myself. And this whole story about Spain is a very good example. Because I am afraid, it will be all the more amazing when we’re in Spain and when we get back, because I did it anyway. Because I’ve done something that scared the hell out of me, but did it anyway. I think if I do this, I will not only have a great holiday, but also conquer that scared part of me that just wants to hide under the blanket.

Over time, I have run away so often from something that I was afraid of, and I refuse to do so again. I refuse to fail this time. I want to develop myself and I will develop myself and if that scared me is afraid, let it be. I. Refuse. To. Fail.
I guess I will always be afraid of what I can not see, but I refuse to let that fear lead me away from developing myself, and I think this trip to Spain will be a very good start.

Wish me strength of will.

Love,
Raevyn

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