New deck

Four of Wands – Shadowscapes Tarot

I have done it! I have just ordered my second tarot deck!

Or, technically, my third. The other two are a standard RWS that I picked up for €4,- at a fleemarket and that I very rarely use, and my copy of the Ravens’ Prophecy deck that I very much love but that also is not the easiest to work with, especially for a beginner.

And my third deck will be…… the Shadowscapes Tarot, by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law! I am hoping this will offer me a very different voice than the Prophecy, which will be interesting to work with, and a different (easier?) way to learn interpretating the cards, because the Shadowscapes is so richly illustrated.

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Lumina Tarot

Image of Lumina TarotSo, I was doing some youtube-ing while waiting for my nailpolish to dry. I clicked on a random unboxing video on my homepage because I saw bright watercolours and black-and-white patterns. It was the Lumina Tarot and now I am hooked. My god this deck is beautiful. The woman making the video was going through the cards one by one and I felt a silly smile curling my lips and I haven’t even finished watching the video when I write this because I just needed to vent this awesome feeling of this-is-exactly-what-I-want.

I’m going to finish the video now. And smile some more.

Lumina Tarot by Inner Hue

Adès: Asyla etc.

In our living room we have five shelves on the wall. Three of them are deep and filled with books. Two of them are shallow and filled with cd’s. One with classic, and one with modern music. I always feel a little overwhelmed when I look at all those cd’s, all that music. I have no idea what it all is, what I would like and what I wouldn’t like.

But I like music, and I figured one way to go through them would be as good as any, so I will do it alphabetically. Today, while baking cookies for a sleepover with a friend, I listened to a series of works composed by Thomas Adès: ‘Asyla’, ‘These Premises Are Alarmed’, ‘Chamber Symphony’ and ‘…but all shall be well’.

This is not your typical classical music. It’s dark, it kind of gives you the creeps and is nice to listen to at the same time. It makes me think of music we listened to in Art History from that period where everything went weird in art. I don’t really remember what era exactly, but it was somewhere around Bela Bartók, Stravinsky’s ‘Le Sacre du Printemps’ (which I love by the way) and the Cobra-movement. I don’t know, maybe I’m mixing everything up, but that’s where my associations brought me.

I have to say there is a three-hour gap between when I wrote the first three paragraphs and when I’m writing this line, so I kind of lost my flow. Main point: I like this cd. My kind of music.

On doing nothing

I have some trouble with my moods lately. It goes up and down, happy to sad in an hours’ notice. The main problem is that I stress too much and that I can’t let go, but more on that later. The point today is something else. Today’s down-swing was about how useless I felt, how non-productive, in my time that I’m not at work. There are a million things I could be doing and of all those things I choose reading books (but only if they really interest me which isn’t often lately) and watching series online. It feels like I’m wasting my time.

But what I realised was this. I took a gap-year for a reason: I needed to ‘fill the well’, restore my energy-balance after fourteen years of school and hard work. I would like to be this super-intelligent and inspired person who’d immediately take on all kinds of interesting projects to fill the gap that school left, I would like to have a subject to obsess about that I can investigate on the internet and in books and anywhere else. But I’m not that person, and I don’t work like that. I need my time to rest, I need this time to fill the well and for me that doesn’t happen by doing things. That happens by reading books and watching series an occasionally, occasionally, doing something useful.

I have to stop feeling guilty about that. I work, I make money, that’s all that’s expected of me and all that I should expect of me. I don’t have to be an intelligent and inspired and investigating person right now. That’ll come next year, when I go back to school. Right now all I need to do is what I feel I need and if that’s watching series, that’s okay. I shouldn’t try to be someone I’m not.


what are we but dust and shadow
hold together by sheer will
and our hopes and our dreams

when they are gone
we shatter and fade
as we drift away on the wind


A poem I wrote for an art project of a friend.
Under construction.

ATC – What is tarot?

I am currently going through Beth Maidens’ Alternative Tarot Course and I must say that I very much liked the first chapter of it. The course is week-based, parted up in eight chapters that you can do in a week, but you can also take much longer if you want to. The first chapter is all about you as a tarot reader which meant I could think and write a lot and didn’t have to get to my cards too much. I liked that, both because I think it is a good thing to look at what you actually think about those cards, and (mostly, I must admit) because I’m still not very comfortable reading with my cards. It’s scary and it’s difficult.

This is a fairly short exercise that I managed to strech out into a full two-pages in A4 of handwritten rambling about tarot. The exercise is called “What is tarot?” and its aim is to get you thinking about what you actually think about tarot, what you believe it can and can’t do and so on. It is already over a month ago that I did the exercise but I’m not going to do any altering of my answers. This is what I thought at the beginning of the course and that’s all that it is. Perhaps some ideas have already changed, perhaps everything’s pretty much the same. We’ll see.

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There is freedom waiting for you,
on the breezes of the sky,
and you ask “What if I fall?”

Oh but my darling,
what if you fly?

– Erin Hanson